Monday, May 16, 2011

Cringe or laugh?....You decide!

Are you ready for a scare or a laugh? If your in the mood for either, this post is for you! Here it goes.....

When we bought the land, not only did we inherit junk, we inherited BEES! What kind of bees you ask? Well, that is what I set out to find out today! At this point, all we know is that there is what looks like two Honey Bee Hives in boxes which are inside some kind of beekeeping contraption. Should be easy enough to remove right? I mean, people love honey and someone will just come kindly remove them and raise them on THEIR LAND! Seemed like a simple solution to me! So, I get online this morning and I search "DFW Bee Removal" and a site pops up listing Beekeepers in Texas. I scroll down and find the closest one to Burleson and I give him a call. I explain to him my situation and give him a description of the "contraption". He seems interested and almost excited to come check them out. REALLY??? Who gets excited about bees? I just dont' get it but hey, to each his own right? I just want them gone! He said he would go out there this afternoon. I was thinking, "Do your thing! The sooner, The better!"

Chad calls and he tells me he went to the land after work to remove more junk and the beekeeper was there. He didn't have time to talk with him because he was in a hurry to get to the dump before it closed at 4:00 pm. He told him he would be back and they could talk then. So, I told Chad I would just meet him out there after I picked the kids up. On the way I was telling Aiden (because he is obsessed with nature and "Life") that there would be a beekeeper there when we get there and maybe he could give us a lesson on honey bees. As we pull on to Forgotten lane, I began to get excited for him because I knew he would love this! This was going to be so cool for him, right?

I drive up to our place and Chad wasn't back yet. I noticed that the gate that I normally drive into is locked but the other gate is open. This gate is located on the heavily wooded and overgrown side of the land. So, I was a little nervous driving down the road because of all the limbs and brush scraping my car but I didn't want to wait for Chad because I was curious what the beekeeper had to say. I get to the end of the road and then begin to drive down the path that dead ends into the bee "contraption". I stop, I look....No beekeeper in sight. I put my car in park, open the door and step out. I begin to walk a few feet down the path towards the bees. They were still at least 200 feet away. I thought "Maybe he removed them, let me go see.". **WARNING, what your about to read next may have been dramatized in my head just a little, lol** I swear, it wasn't even a second later when I could hear nothing but LOUD buzzing all around me but specifically in my left ear. All I could imagine was a million bees in my hair so I started running and screaming, running and screaming while flailing my arms back and fourth (If you know how Erin is with bugs, imagine one landing on her face times ten, lol) from one end of the pasture to the next all while shaking my hair so much that my clip ripped out of my head and disappeared into the swarm of bees (I think they flew it off to their nest, lol). During what seemed like an hour I remember thinking "Is this how I am going to die?...Will my kids lose their mother?...Will I be known as the mom who was killed by killer bees in Burleson?, Will I be on Fox 4 News? BURLESON MOM KILLED BY KILLER BEES!". Remember, at this point I still think they are honey bees and haven't even talked to the beekeeper yet. LOL! So, I am screaming and screaming and running and shaking my hair and then I hear Aiden screaming and crying in horror (I can't believe the neighbors didn't call the police) and I remember that I left the car door open. So, I begin to run back to the car (still screaming and kicking and shaking my hair) and I think "Shit, are the bees in the car? Oh my god, I can't get in and then shut the door and then let the bees kill me AND the kids. What do I do?, What do I do?". I finally decide to just start swatting at the air as fast as I can (to keep the bees from getting in the car) and I get in the car and shut the door. The chills took over my body as I sat there to assess the situation. There were no bees in the car so I jerked the car into drive and hauled ass to the front of the property where the locked gate was and I sat there saying over and over "Oh my God, oh my God". I tried to catch my breathe and calm Aiden and myself down at the same time. As I sat in the car, each time a butterfly, leaf, cotton or whatever flew by my front windshield, I would panic. By now my phone had completely died and I had no way to call anyone! You might be wondering where Bryson is during all of this? Well, he was in the back calmly sitting in his seat. Since he seemed completely unaffected by this traumatic event, I decide to check with Aiden first. I say "Aiden, calm down. Are you okay?" and he says "Mommy are you okay? What happened? I heard dogs barking and I thought you were being attacked by them.". I heard no dogs barking. Probably because all I could hear (or imagine in my head, lol) was a million bees buzzing in my ear/hair. Poor thing, I can't even imagine how traumatized he was or what what running through his mind (he obviously inherited that from me).  I then assured him that I was fine and that dogs were not attacking me. He was relieved but still shaken up. Then, I asked Bryson how he was and he said "Fine" and I said were you scared and he said "No". LOL! He probably thought we were just crazy! By now my adrenaline had begun to calm down and I began to feel the sting (Yes, only 1 sting, lol) on the left temple of my head. I look in the mirror and it has begun to swell but I am relieved that I was only stung once. I push my seat back as far as it goes and I tell both boys to come get in the seat with me so I can hug them. I then begin to think "OMG, what if it get's to my brain?" so I tell Aiden "If mommy falls asleep, run to the neighbors house and tell them to call 911". He agrees. I realize this may be extreme but I was being cautious. LOL! I decide that I better not drive in case something happens to me and I should wait for Chad so he can follow me home. I know, I am so dramatic! Well, 10 minutes pass by and Chad is still not there. At this point I have to pee so bad (due to the Starbucks Venti Coconut Mocha I bought and drank on happy hour) so I decide to head to my parents house 3 miles away to use the restroom. As I head that way, Chad drives towards me. I am shaking my head as he pulls beside me and I just started crying while explaining to him what happened. I told him I was not going back until they were dead and even then I wouldn't be back for a week after that. He was laughing but was also concerned. I told him he couldn't drop the trailor off at the land or he would get attacked. So, he said to go to my parents and he would meet me there and just leave the trailor there.

I arrive at their house and I go straight to the bathroom. I use the bathroom, stand up to flush and I look in the toilet (I don't know why, I just do that!). To my suprise there was a HUGE spider in the toilet that was obviously there when I sat down to pee. I start screaming profanties and run to my parents living room and just sit down on the couch with my hand over my face rocking back and fourth. I mean, SERIOUSLY??? I'm definitely feeling mental at this point. Chad finally shows up and I was so upset. I just wanted to scream. I kept feeling and hearing bees on me! Chad tells me to chill and suggests that we go home and call the beekeeper to see what he had found out. I agree. As we enter the garage to go to our cars, Aiden screams "A bee, A bee". I run back into the house and Chad is laughing hysterically at me and telling Aiden it's not a bee. I did not think it was funny one bit!

We get home and Chad calls the beekeeper. He proceeds to tell him that they were Africanized Honey Bees (AKA Killer Bees). He also says "They shouldn't bother you unless you make them mad". I thought "WELL DUH, YOU OBVIOULSEY PISSED THEM OFF RIGHT BEFORE I GOT THERE!" because all I did was get out of the car! LOL! He said that it would be $300 to remove them and I told Chad "Fine by me, KILL THEM!". He has decided that him and his dad will excavate them theirself. I say "Good Luck with that, I'm staying home (IN THE CITY)!". To be continued...Bahahaha

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